


The Noises, They Try to Drown Me (But Darling You Let Me Breathe)

by bxbydoll (bxbygirl)



Series: Put This Sinner on His Knees and Let Him Worship Me (Do You Really Think I Ate the Fruit Unwillingly) [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Daddy Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Always Be Salty Over That Damn Movie, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Maria Stark's A+ Parenting, Maria Stark's Bad Parenting, Mixing Reality With Fiction, Not Steve Friendly, Nothing Will Change That, Parental Abuse, This is a part one in a sense, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Has Issues, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Was Abused And This Fic Is The Result of That, Tony-centric, Verbal Abuse, he'll be in the sequel, i'll probably make a sequel later, not team Cap friendly, still using those tags even if he ain't mentioned in this fic, this is before tony was kidnapped, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-18 23:05:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18127685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bxbygirl/pseuds/bxbydoll
Summary: Tony was four when he built his first circuit board, a marvel at such a young age.He was four when he first felt that spark of life disappear from his soul as he watched his father crush it under his foot in a drunken rage.Tony was four when he developed his fear of loud noises...





	The Noises, They Try to Drown Me (But Darling You Let Me Breathe)

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing and all rights are giving to the rightful creators, all this fic represents is my own interpretation of the story line I have in my head using the already created characters to portray my ideas.
> 
> This story is an homage to my own fear of loud noises and people yelling, my parents were no where as terrible as I will be portraying Howard and Maria in this fic but there will always be some part of my own life inserted in every piece I write so please look upon this fic kindly i do not wish to moderate but if i have to i will... 
> 
> This fic deals with my story building of what happens before the content of Iron Man 1 so although in the sequel some of the plot points will be the same others will be changed for my convenience.

_Howard and Maria Stark were the perfect couple and set of parents, so it was a shame when they left their legacy behind to such a wayward son. The type that was nothing like the beaming example of the Starks previously. The brave Howard Stark who helped engineer the serum behind America’s greatest hero, and dear Maria who was there to support her husband at every turn and raising their young but brilliant son. There was no one as perfect as the Stark parents so it was a wonder that their child turned out to be some kind of defect. They were so perfect… to the public at least but I suppose when you have on rose coloured glasses all the red flags just look like flags to them._

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Tony was born to Howard and Maria Stark, the heir to the entire Stark Empire in a sterile and cold private hospital room. The nurses looked down on Maria in pity as she gave birth to her son as she went through the labours of pain alone in the hospital room while Howard was away conducting business. If that was what he was doing, all the hospital members knew a few things that the public would be aghast to learn the things that the staff had seen over the years. When Tony came into the would as Anthony Edward Stark, he was one the small side and looked premature even as he exceeded his due date by a couple of weeks. Maria held him close and prayed that this would be her ticket to finally owning the heart of Howard. Of course, he was no where to be seen so there was little hope for that… but the little bundle of joy in her hands gave her some sort of hope that in a marriage as loveless as theirs she wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.

Where Maria looked down at Anthony “Tony” with joy, Howard looked down at the small child with disgust. The thing screamed in the middle of the night and was something Howard never wanted, but the only good thing about that things is that it was a male, if it was a female then he might have killed it himself. The birth of the thing made Maria look at him with longing eyes as she begged him to help with the raising of it, but Howard wanted no part of it. His time was consumed by his work and the alcohol that flowed in his veins like blood that ran through his body. Howard spent as much time as he could away from the house filling his time with work and alcohol induced lust with any woman he wanted to hold, often stumbling into the house late at night smelling of alcohol and perfume. He was almost always met with a teary-eyed Maria waiting for him, the sight might have made him feel some sort of guilt if the cry of that thing didn’t break the spell that settled over him.

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Maria’s love for Tony turned sour by the time that he was two as he reminded her too much of the man who would return every night smelling of a different woman, every time he smiled… she remembered that Howard never looked at her like that once. She thought of killing him once just to see if Howard would grieve or if he would celebrate with another woman disgracing their marriage. She had her hand around his tiny neck once and let her mind wander thinking of the way his breathe would stop and stutter as his face went red from the lack of oxygen but then Tony opened his big, brown eyes and looked at her. His eyes one of the only things he took from Maria were staring back at her, almost as if condemning her for the act that she was thinking about committing. From that day on she left Tony in the care of Ana and Jarvis. Only interacting with the boy late at night when she had the liquid courage her husband loved so much flowing through her.

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Tony was four when he built his first circuit board, a marvel at such a young age displaying intelligence that even some adults did not possess. He was a natural at taking things and creating new things out of them, his speech still on par with an adult but far beyond that of a child his own age.

Tony was four when he first felt that spark of life disappear as he watched his father crush it under his foot in a drunken rage, as Howard yelled about how he was not enough. That it was horrible and not something that he should be proud of.

“Who would be proud of this?”

“Kneel in front of me boy, don’t make me repeat myself”

“Did you think this would make me care about you?”

“Why do you think your mother and I don’t play with you, it’s because you are a disappointment!”

Tony sat back on his knees in front of his father as he lamented about the failures of a four year old, there were tears streaming down his eyes and he repressed a whimper but somehow that sound was still heard by Howard as a sharp slap was delivered to his face.

“Stark men are made of IRON, they do not cry or feel emotions.”

Tony’s legs went numb some time in the two hours Howard had him in that position and when he tried to stand, he fumbled like a newly born deer. A fitting description as he felt like he was born again because now every time the noise raised even a little above normal volume he started freaking out.

Tony was four years old when he developed his fear of loud noises…

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Ana and Edwin Jarvis were the closest thing Tony ever had to a loving household, they held him when he had nightmares or after the events where the noises became too loud, but they never saved him from the venom Maria and Howard spewed at him or the hands that aimed at him. They patched his wounds and put him to sleep afterwards but they never SAVED him.

He loved them with all his heart growing up but at the same time resented them for the things that they let happen to him. It was only until he was older that he understood the dynamic of the situation (power dynamics something he swore to rebel against).

They were the warmth in his life that contrast with the coldness of the public persona he was forced to craft at a young age. A perfect child to match the perfect parents that the Starks were. After that incident when he was four Tony tried again and again to be the best child to his parents so maybe one day he wouldn’t have a hand print the size of Howard’s hand carved into his skin constantly reminding him that he was useless and maybe that hole in his heart from the absence of his mother would close if she thought he was good. He realised it was useless when he first made his public appearance with them.

Gone was the father he knew who had little regard for Tony or his mother and in his place stood a doting husband who was attentive and kind. Even ~~Maria~~ mum who he had only seen in passing moments when she stopped drowning herself in her drinks and pills to yell at him for looking so much like his father (for being anything like his father or her for that matter, in her eyes Tony was a monstrosity that shouldn’t exist) turned into a new person. She was soft and sweet, polite and beautiful; there was no trace of the haggard woman who roamed the estate like a phantom. It was the first and last time he spoke freely in an interview, it resulted in Howard and Maria both telling him off, putting him in his place where he “belonged” they called it:

“You waste of air! I should have never given birth to you”

“You’re a disappointment just like your mother…”

“I brought you into this world, remember I can damn well take you out of it whenever I please.”

They both finished yelling and Tony was a mess of patchy red skin and blood sliding down his palms. His breath short and sharp as he tried his best not to cry because Stark men were made of IRON and his palms bloody from digging his nails into them. Howard beat it into him that day that he was supposed to be perfect, but the bruises on his skin felt nothing like the bruises on his soul.

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The new persona was a charming lad, someone that was playful and obnoxious. Tony became the best showman, being able to masquerade as the most confident person he could be so he could hide how his hands shook slightly when the people spoke too loudly or when the fireworks went off how his eyes became a little glassy. He was well able to lie to cover up why his arms were littered in bruises or why he had a black eye even though he was at home all day. He was a perfect actor to the point where he almost had himself fooled, even when Howard and Maria kept yelling at him through their alcohol induced rages. (They were more a like than either of them liked to admit and if they weren’t so hell bent on hating each other they would be the perfect couple they were pretending to be). He was this person that could never be hurt.

 

So when he was off at MIT, too young to be there but well advanced than his counterparts he forgot the persona when he stepped onto the campus and the noise hit him. The way that it seemed like everyone was speaking into his ears at the same time, the way his ears began ringing in with this high-pitched whistle and his vision was becoming a little black around the edges. He was almost lost in his shaking when he felt a warm arm on his shoulder and a soft voice in his ear telling him it was okay, over and over again the voice told him it was okay until they reached a corner of the campus where the noise wouldn’t reach him there.

The person who helped him was older than him (given everyone was older than him, no one was fifteen here) and taller but again everyone was taller than Tony. The person called himself James Rhodes like it was a badge of honour, making it seem so much more than a name and Tony wondered if he ever heard his name sound so soft when the man repeated it back to him. They became quick friends then, through thick and thin. Rhodey (as he was now called Tony became Tones and Rhodes became Rhodey, it was like a pact of sorts switching the letters) was his only help in the sea of voices that threatened to consume him but Rhodey could never make the world go quiet he could only numb it a little. Tony even went to parties and let himself get carried away in the lure of the sirens that were collage girls. The way that they felt soft under his hand made him feel better after being in the very place where it as too loud for him. The way that the shaking of his hands didn’t bother him when he was lost in the pleasure that the girls could provide for him without asking why he was so quiet. Anything to erase the screaming that echoed in his head.

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The day his parents died he broke down again, not in grief for the deceased but because the world erupted in screams. They all mourned the loss of the nest couple who had provided the world with the story of their romance for many years. The world was on fire and he was being consumed by the flames. He locked himself away in his room and rocked himself back and forth clutching his head as he tried to ignore all the noises he heard from the people asking him if he okay, or the party happening to the end of the campus or the noisy couple next door that never realised how thin the walls of the dorm actually was when they decided to have sex. He was panicking to the point that he didn’t notice someone entering the room through the window. The way that the man moved in the shadows and seemed to be confused at the scene before him.

Tony kept rocking even as the man approached him, the man moved swiftly and didn’t make much noise. Even if he was an intruder and was potentially dangerous, he was serving as the anchor Tony needed. The man told him his objective that he had killed his parents and had come to take Tony back to his “handlers” to make him a new asset. Even though the words were strange and concerning the man’s voice was soft and made Tony feel that warmth that had long disappeared when he laid Ana and Jarvis six feet under the ground. If he was going to die he wanted it to be quiet for once…

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The first time Tony was held by a man, it was the night his parents had died, and he found comfort that no woman even made him feel in the hands of the man who killed his parents. The man was cold and detached when he first interacted with Tony but when he was taking Tony apart piece by piece, he was warm and filled with the life that Tony had long forgotten. The mysterious man made him come undone in ways Tony never knew was possible and calmed the beating of his heart that Tony never experienced before. The noises around them all faded away as the only thing he could hear was the noises they made as it echoed across the room. He was content in the bubble they made and wished that this was the peace he would have if he was going to die.

They finished after a while and the mysterious man didn’t take him like Tony thought he would but held him close instead and in that soft voice told him that one day he would be back for him. Tony didn’t know why but in that moment; he whispered back with that spark of life he hadn’t had since he was four that he would wait for the man. As his honey brown eyes locked with the sliver blue of his mystery lover, he felt like he made an oath to this man.

It was only after a couple of hours when the bed was cold next to him that he realised what he had just done, sleeping with the man that ended his parent’s life. It took him weeks to process it but somehow, he just couldn’t feel like he hated the man, instead he longed for him.

Longed for him to show up and quiet the world again and make it so they could exist in their own little world. He knew the truth of his parent’s death, but he refused to divulge the information in fear that the world would erupt again (that was a lie he didn’t want anyone to find the man who stole his heart and take him away). So while he waited for the man he put the bottle of alcohol that both of his parents loved more than him and drank his time away trying to quiet the world even for a little bit while keeping up the persona of Tony Stark while Obie ran Stark Industries…

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was a spur of the moment thing and I am feeling little to no motivation to do anything at the moment so the updating of my other fic will take some time so please bear with me.


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